Stay-at-home Controller -
They've done strange things to me.
My instant reactions are foreign,
for I knew a time when stress was
unknown.
But they have pressured me with the constant whining
with uncontrolled arms flung through calm surfaces of glassed milk
and uncontrolled volumes shouting infestivities.
They have pressured me with thoughts choosing unreason
and uncontrolled tongues
talking back.
They have, in fact, compacted my soul into a small, square box,
hard, determined and in charge - like a tank.
And as my stalwart box marches forward, with impenetrable demands,
it shouts orders and shame
obliterating free spirits.
But when roared order is reestablished,
I find their obedience and broken spirits
have chiseled my formidable box of a soul down
to reveal the idols that live there.
Idols of stone anger, hatred, disgust
idols of self
under control only when controlling.
Idols unbreathing, unalive, except when I bow.
The light of their humility now exposes me
on my knees.
Jul 1, 2008
Jun 20, 2008
May 28, 2008
May 4, 2008
Apr 9, 2008
A dream -
I once had a dream
ten years ago
Overwhelmingly powerful
never before or since
I awoke with my heart just before me
drawing me up, forward
I laid there, stiff
my hands crossed upon my sunken chest
powerless to keep that caged bird safe
The dream was of my father. There were 200 mourning people in a horseshoe-shaped room, with a low ceiling and a low peninsular-shaped stage filled with flowers and a coffin. No one spoke, but the little air in the room was thick with grief like the early morning humidity of an April mountain.
I sat in the middle, on te 2nd row, and as I, with my head down and eyes shut, breathed, I could not help but take in their thoughts, absorbed into my bloodstream. Most of the atmosphere was grief, the weight of which was like the warm hand of a doctor, pressing down, searching, understanding what's below the skin and promising healing. Some of the atmosphere, though, was pity, which felt like foodpoisoning. "Those poor boys - they adored him." I didn't need it, not now, not ten years later. Couldn't they see I'm all grown up? Maybe they didn't know it's been ten years. Maybe it hadn't? My head dropped imperceptibly, and my breathing continued to grow heavier and deeper.
The silence was cut by the opening of a door at the back, center of the room. I felt the richness of the atmosphere flow out the open door; their eyes had all turned. I did not move, hoping I could continue breathing the thick grief, but with a couple more breaths, its healing movements were evacuated. Unburdened, I turned to see.
Before my head could get around, I was standing and in the aisle and moving backwards, away from the ghost moving along the ceiling toward me. Transfixed with fear, I backpeddle faster, stumbling as I neared the stage. The people, all still sitting, watched with realized expectation, devoid of response. The ghost, familiar and tremendum, matched and then increased my speed; headed, it seemed, directly for my chest. The coffined stage halted my frantic retreat. In a moment just long enough to realize I wasn't trapped, I changed gears and shot down a side aisle toward a possible escape. Within three steps, I realized I may be over-reacting, that the ghost was my father and his destination was finally the coffin, so my head turned, like that of a jockey's, but found my Father's ghost upon me. I dropped to the floor as though trying to avoid a low flying plane, and my heart jumped ahead of me, fearing its impending death. The ghost swept over me, with the wind of all the world at its heels, and my heart was caught up in the whirlwind. My father halted at the exit, and, without haste, went through the closed door. I got up, and with unbearable fear, began to follow my heart out the door.
As I laid in bed
sweat now coming to me,
and with it the possibility of movement,
I unfolded my hands
and reached out to replace my heart safely inside.
But I could not get a hold of it,
and for three days I walked around
completely afraid of and confused by
what I had no choice but to follow.
I once had a dream
ten years ago
Overwhelmingly powerful
never before or since
I awoke with my heart just before me
drawing me up, forward
I laid there, stiff
my hands crossed upon my sunken chest
powerless to keep that caged bird safe
The dream was of my father. There were 200 mourning people in a horseshoe-shaped room, with a low ceiling and a low peninsular-shaped stage filled with flowers and a coffin. No one spoke, but the little air in the room was thick with grief like the early morning humidity of an April mountain.
I sat in the middle, on te 2nd row, and as I, with my head down and eyes shut, breathed, I could not help but take in their thoughts, absorbed into my bloodstream. Most of the atmosphere was grief, the weight of which was like the warm hand of a doctor, pressing down, searching, understanding what's below the skin and promising healing. Some of the atmosphere, though, was pity, which felt like foodpoisoning. "Those poor boys - they adored him." I didn't need it, not now, not ten years later. Couldn't they see I'm all grown up? Maybe they didn't know it's been ten years. Maybe it hadn't? My head dropped imperceptibly, and my breathing continued to grow heavier and deeper.
The silence was cut by the opening of a door at the back, center of the room. I felt the richness of the atmosphere flow out the open door; their eyes had all turned. I did not move, hoping I could continue breathing the thick grief, but with a couple more breaths, its healing movements were evacuated. Unburdened, I turned to see.
Before my head could get around, I was standing and in the aisle and moving backwards, away from the ghost moving along the ceiling toward me. Transfixed with fear, I backpeddle faster, stumbling as I neared the stage. The people, all still sitting, watched with realized expectation, devoid of response. The ghost, familiar and tremendum, matched and then increased my speed; headed, it seemed, directly for my chest. The coffined stage halted my frantic retreat. In a moment just long enough to realize I wasn't trapped, I changed gears and shot down a side aisle toward a possible escape. Within three steps, I realized I may be over-reacting, that the ghost was my father and his destination was finally the coffin, so my head turned, like that of a jockey's, but found my Father's ghost upon me. I dropped to the floor as though trying to avoid a low flying plane, and my heart jumped ahead of me, fearing its impending death. The ghost swept over me, with the wind of all the world at its heels, and my heart was caught up in the whirlwind. My father halted at the exit, and, without haste, went through the closed door. I got up, and with unbearable fear, began to follow my heart out the door.
As I laid in bed
sweat now coming to me,
and with it the possibility of movement,
I unfolded my hands
and reached out to replace my heart safely inside.
But I could not get a hold of it,
and for three days I walked around
completely afraid of and confused by
what I had no choice but to follow.
Apr 7, 2008
Mar 22, 2008
Christ
Christ is born
again today eternally
In slums and playgrounds
and bedrooms born
Above waves and upon falling feathers borne
Along the strings of fiddles
and in foolish preaching voices borne
Within forgiveness and sin and rage born
In brilliant nightmares and ghoulish theophanies born
With the groanings of creation
and every movement of Creator
he is born
again and again born
before us and from us and
by us borne
in and for all
forever born again
Christ is born
again today eternally
In slums and playgrounds
and bedrooms born
Above waves and upon falling feathers borne
Along the strings of fiddles
and in foolish preaching voices borne
Within forgiveness and sin and rage born
In brilliant nightmares and ghoulish theophanies born
With the groanings of creation
and every movement of Creator
he is born
again and again born
before us and from us and
by us borne
in and for all
forever born again
Feb 27, 2008
righteous and sinners
I was reading this scripture this morning:
"And as he sat at dinner in the house, many tax collectors and sinners came and were sitting with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?" But when he heard this, he said, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have come to call not the righteous but sinners."- Matthew 9:10-13
And it struck me that I spend my time calling the righteous and practicing sacrifice. Few in the church don't.
I was reading this scripture this morning:
"And as he sat at dinner in the house, many tax collectors and sinners came and were sitting with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?" But when he heard this, he said, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have come to call not the righteous but sinners."- Matthew 9:10-13
And it struck me that I spend my time calling the righteous and practicing sacrifice. Few in the church don't.
Feb 13, 2008
Homosexuality.
So, last fall I had an assignment for all my students, where they were to go to some ministry that was dealing with some social issue and then come back and do a presentation on that issue. I had a number of students choose the issue of homosexuality, I think because they are confused by the discrepancy between what they see on TV and what they hear in church. In any case, a number of the groups went downtown to A Church 4 Me? and visited a gay church. I emailed the pastor after the semester explaining my assignment and letting him know how the presentations went over in class.
Today I received this email:
"Hi Tim, I got your name from Pastor Kevin Downer at a church 4 me in Chicago. I'm doing a video story on the church for the Northwestern News Network, and it's going to air on WYCC, Channel 20 this Sunday evening. If you have the opportunity this morning or afternoon, could you please let me know what your thoughts are on this church? Are you opposed to it, and if so, why? Are you a proponent for gays having their own place to worship, and if so, why? Also, Tim, if it would be easier for you, I can be reached at . . . , and I look forward to hearing from you today. All best, Amy Wolf
Amy WolfReporter, Northwestern News Network"
I wrote her this (perhaps too long) response:
"Amy,
Thanks for contacting me. Sorry if the following is more information than you wanted. It's something I've been thinking about a good deal, though, lately.
I find this subject to be terribly complicated. The church I attend recently spoke up on this issue (perhaps a feat in itself). The sermon and discussion was full of love and compassion and criticizing the church for not be accepting enough, or more precisely criticizing the church for so strongly condemning homosexuality as a sin while ignoring greed and so on. The answer that was given in the end was that God can change people, homosexuality is a sin, and as we invite people into the church, into relationship, God will deal with their sin (with the obvious outcome of changing them).
For the conservativeness of our church, this was an appropriately challenging message.
I grew up in an extremely conservative (fundamentalist) atmosphere in the south, where gays would be as likely lynched as accepted into church. Perhaps that's putting it a little strongly, but not much. Where I grew up, the people's stomachs still turn inside out if you say the word "homosexual," and their faces inevitably bear witness to their intestinal discomfort. If Christians can move away from that and toward what was preached in the church I now attend, we will have made some progress at least.
Now more to the point of your question (hopefully). On an ideal level, there are two reasons I am opposed to gays having their own place to worship. First, and most importantly, I am ideologically opposed at some level to any specific group having their own place to worhsip. The picture given in Revelation at the end of time is of all peoples, languages, cultures, etc. worshiping God. This beautiful picture of the kingdom of God, however, is not just for some future time after all the wars have been fought. Instead, Jesus inaugurated the work of said kingdom in his life on earth, and to follow Christ (to be a Christian) is to carry out this kingdom in the present. A huge part of this has to do with the "body of Christ," to use the apostle Paul's language, where we are reconciled to God, and also to each other. In fact, Jesus said others should know us (non-followers should know followers) by our love for one another. When we divide into different churches so we don't have to argue as much, surely no one is knowing us by our love. When we divide into these separate groups we are NOT being one body, and we are NOT carrying out the work of the kingdom of God that Christ calls us to.
The second, and much less important reason, I am opposed (on an ideal level) to gays having their own place of worship, is that I do believe the act of homosexuality is a sin. Gay churches argue it is not a sin, and so the discussion becomes very polarized, which harms both sides. Perhaps if we were in the same church, living together, being Christian together, we would have more balanced dialogue on the issues at hand.
Now, those two reasons are the ideal. That being said, the church is currently far too screwed up, particularly on this issue, to try to enforce these ideals. There is too much anger, even hate, in the current "debates," if you can even call throwing crap at each other "debates." From this perspective, I am all for A Church 4 Me and others like it to exist. I much, much, much, much prefer gay people to have their own place to worship, even if I disagree with a point of their theology, than to have no place to worship. It is not as though they are doing something wrong. It is the fault of the church at large, which has abandoned gays, that gays have to have their own place of worship. The onus is upon the church at large, not upon the gay church. The confession of wrongdoing must come from the church at large before we can begin to attempt any true dialogue or any movement toward the reconciliation with one another that the kingdom of God demands of us (and for us).
This is why I encouraged students I was teaching at a very conservative, Evangelical school last fall to attend A Church 4 Me and to see that they worship and how they worship there. Many of the students returned with their eyes wide open. Many experienced at that church a level of acceptance and love they had not experienced in church before, and from gays, the very people many of their home churches had demonized their entire lives. They hopefully at least began to see that the issue is not so wrong and right as sin and righteousness, but that there is sin on both sides and righteousness on both sides. Only when we move beyond the impass of us vs. them will the church at large be able to recognize and confess its own sin in this area, thus opening the door for the first time to true dialogue.
Thanks for inquiring about and then reading my thoughts. Please let me know if I was unclear at any point, or if you have other questions. But note, and perhaps you've learned from this response, that further questions may require a good deal of reading on your part :)
tim basselin"
I'd love to hear your thoughs.
So, last fall I had an assignment for all my students, where they were to go to some ministry that was dealing with some social issue and then come back and do a presentation on that issue. I had a number of students choose the issue of homosexuality, I think because they are confused by the discrepancy between what they see on TV and what they hear in church. In any case, a number of the groups went downtown to A Church 4 Me? and visited a gay church. I emailed the pastor after the semester explaining my assignment and letting him know how the presentations went over in class.
Today I received this email:
"Hi Tim, I got your name from Pastor Kevin Downer at a church 4 me in Chicago. I'm doing a video story on the church for the Northwestern News Network, and it's going to air on WYCC, Channel 20 this Sunday evening. If you have the opportunity this morning or afternoon, could you please let me know what your thoughts are on this church? Are you opposed to it, and if so, why? Are you a proponent for gays having their own place to worship, and if so, why? Also, Tim, if it would be easier for you, I can be reached at . . . , and I look forward to hearing from you today. All best, Amy Wolf
Amy WolfReporter, Northwestern News Network"
I wrote her this (perhaps too long) response:
"Amy,
Thanks for contacting me. Sorry if the following is more information than you wanted. It's something I've been thinking about a good deal, though, lately.
I find this subject to be terribly complicated. The church I attend recently spoke up on this issue (perhaps a feat in itself). The sermon and discussion was full of love and compassion and criticizing the church for not be accepting enough, or more precisely criticizing the church for so strongly condemning homosexuality as a sin while ignoring greed and so on. The answer that was given in the end was that God can change people, homosexuality is a sin, and as we invite people into the church, into relationship, God will deal with their sin (with the obvious outcome of changing them).
For the conservativeness of our church, this was an appropriately challenging message.
I grew up in an extremely conservative (fundamentalist) atmosphere in the south, where gays would be as likely lynched as accepted into church. Perhaps that's putting it a little strongly, but not much. Where I grew up, the people's stomachs still turn inside out if you say the word "homosexual," and their faces inevitably bear witness to their intestinal discomfort. If Christians can move away from that and toward what was preached in the church I now attend, we will have made some progress at least.
Now more to the point of your question (hopefully). On an ideal level, there are two reasons I am opposed to gays having their own place to worship. First, and most importantly, I am ideologically opposed at some level to any specific group having their own place to worhsip. The picture given in Revelation at the end of time is of all peoples, languages, cultures, etc. worshiping God. This beautiful picture of the kingdom of God, however, is not just for some future time after all the wars have been fought. Instead, Jesus inaugurated the work of said kingdom in his life on earth, and to follow Christ (to be a Christian) is to carry out this kingdom in the present. A huge part of this has to do with the "body of Christ," to use the apostle Paul's language, where we are reconciled to God, and also to each other. In fact, Jesus said others should know us (non-followers should know followers) by our love for one another. When we divide into different churches so we don't have to argue as much, surely no one is knowing us by our love. When we divide into these separate groups we are NOT being one body, and we are NOT carrying out the work of the kingdom of God that Christ calls us to.
The second, and much less important reason, I am opposed (on an ideal level) to gays having their own place of worship, is that I do believe the act of homosexuality is a sin. Gay churches argue it is not a sin, and so the discussion becomes very polarized, which harms both sides. Perhaps if we were in the same church, living together, being Christian together, we would have more balanced dialogue on the issues at hand.
Now, those two reasons are the ideal. That being said, the church is currently far too screwed up, particularly on this issue, to try to enforce these ideals. There is too much anger, even hate, in the current "debates," if you can even call throwing crap at each other "debates." From this perspective, I am all for A Church 4 Me and others like it to exist. I much, much, much, much prefer gay people to have their own place to worship, even if I disagree with a point of their theology, than to have no place to worship. It is not as though they are doing something wrong. It is the fault of the church at large, which has abandoned gays, that gays have to have their own place of worship. The onus is upon the church at large, not upon the gay church. The confession of wrongdoing must come from the church at large before we can begin to attempt any true dialogue or any movement toward the reconciliation with one another that the kingdom of God demands of us (and for us).
This is why I encouraged students I was teaching at a very conservative, Evangelical school last fall to attend A Church 4 Me and to see that they worship and how they worship there. Many of the students returned with their eyes wide open. Many experienced at that church a level of acceptance and love they had not experienced in church before, and from gays, the very people many of their home churches had demonized their entire lives. They hopefully at least began to see that the issue is not so wrong and right as sin and righteousness, but that there is sin on both sides and righteousness on both sides. Only when we move beyond the impass of us vs. them will the church at large be able to recognize and confess its own sin in this area, thus opening the door for the first time to true dialogue.
Thanks for inquiring about and then reading my thoughts. Please let me know if I was unclear at any point, or if you have other questions. But note, and perhaps you've learned from this response, that further questions may require a good deal of reading on your part :)
tim basselin"
I'd love to hear your thoughs.
Dec 21, 2007
A Christmas Eve (Advent) Reflection
The night before Christ’s birth a man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho when he fell among robbers. A priest came down the road and passed him by. Then a Levite came down the road and passed him by. Finally, as the sun was going down, a Samaritan traveling down the road saw the man beaten and lying lifeless, and he too passed him by.
The night before Christ’s birth a man returned home from wasting his inheritance on parties and prostitutes. On the road he rehearsed his plea to simply be one of his father’s servants. And when he was still a long way off, his father saw him, and his father turned his back on him.
The night before Christ’s birth a woman was caught in the act of adultery and was brought before the local rabbi and was stoned to death.
The night before Christ’s birth in me, I had fallen amongst robbers, had wasted my inheritance, and was condemned to death.
The night before Christ’s birth we all wait, helpless, hopeless, for we cannot see the light in this darkness, and we cannot overcome our oppression.
The night before Christ’s birth none of us could have recognized God in flesh.
A Christmas Confession
“I am the Lord’s servant.” Lk. 1:38
Mary’s obedience I have misused to gain an upperhand.
“My spirit rejoices in God my savior” Lk. 1:47
Mary’s ecstacy I have requited with emotions of control.
“He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble.” Lk. 1:52
God’s humility I have shunned with my armaments of empowerment.
“He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty.” Lk. 1:53
God’s good things I have neglected in my search for more.
“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." Lk. 2:14
The angels’ proclamation I have supplanted with my lists for getting done.
Lord, come now, amidst my shunning and misuse, despite my supplanting and requieting, and be birthed in me.
The night before Christ’s birth a man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho when he fell among robbers. A priest came down the road and passed him by. Then a Levite came down the road and passed him by. Finally, as the sun was going down, a Samaritan traveling down the road saw the man beaten and lying lifeless, and he too passed him by.
The night before Christ’s birth a man returned home from wasting his inheritance on parties and prostitutes. On the road he rehearsed his plea to simply be one of his father’s servants. And when he was still a long way off, his father saw him, and his father turned his back on him.
The night before Christ’s birth a woman was caught in the act of adultery and was brought before the local rabbi and was stoned to death.
The night before Christ’s birth in me, I had fallen amongst robbers, had wasted my inheritance, and was condemned to death.
The night before Christ’s birth we all wait, helpless, hopeless, for we cannot see the light in this darkness, and we cannot overcome our oppression.
The night before Christ’s birth none of us could have recognized God in flesh.
A Christmas Confession
“I am the Lord’s servant.” Lk. 1:38
Mary’s obedience I have misused to gain an upperhand.
“My spirit rejoices in God my savior” Lk. 1:47
Mary’s ecstacy I have requited with emotions of control.
“He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble.” Lk. 1:52
God’s humility I have shunned with my armaments of empowerment.
“He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty.” Lk. 1:53
God’s good things I have neglected in my search for more.
“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." Lk. 2:14
The angels’ proclamation I have supplanted with my lists for getting done.
Lord, come now, amidst my shunning and misuse, despite my supplanting and requieting, and be birthed in me.
Nov 2, 2007
I got a forwarded email that dealt with the upcoming movie The Golden Compass. Heard of it? Heard of the Christian reaction to it?
Here's part of the plea from the person that forwarded the email: "If you have children, and most of you do, please do not let them be fooled into thinking this movie is not a dangerous attempt to lead them away from God. Also, encourage them to share this information with their friends. Please pass this along. "
Here's part of the forwarded email : "Clearly, Pullman 's main objective is to bash Christianity and promote atheism. Pullman left little doubt about his intentions when he said in a 2003 interview that "my books are about killing God." He has even stated that he wants to "kill God in the minds of children". It has been said of Pullman that he is "the writer the atheists would be praying for, if atheists prayed."
You can read more about the controversy here:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/compass.asp
Here's my response to the email:
I watched the trailer, and it's not really aimed at kids. It's kind of violent. It hasn't been rated yet, but I'd guess it'll get a rating of PG13.
I also did some reading about his views. He is being decried by some religious people for being anti-Christian, but others are saying he is simply anti-tyrrany. Some say his point is that in as much as religions cause us to look beyond this world to another, they take our attention away from the evils of this world that we should be focused upon; I mostly agree with this point.
Part of the claim in one of the books seems to be that all religion is out to rob us of anything fun. Our children are obviously going to be faced with this claim at some point pretty early on in life. We won't be able to protect them from this claim. We do better to live that it is not true. I was certainly confronted with this claim early and often, but it never held sway over me because of the immense fulfillment that I had already found in church and in God and in a family immersed in church and God.
Another part of Pullman's claim is that he is not against religion, per se, but against tyrrany. This can be a helpful distinction for kids to make. If we are not able to critique bad aspects of the church, then children will leave the church because of the assumtion that those bad aspects of the church are the church. From this viewpoint - perhapse we can invite such critiques. It may well be a much more helpful thing to see the movie with the kids, read the books with them, and talk about them, rather than just shielding them from the movie and books.
Here's part of the plea from the person that forwarded the email: "If you have children, and most of you do, please do not let them be fooled into thinking this movie is not a dangerous attempt to lead them away from God. Also, encourage them to share this information with their friends. Please pass this along. "
Here's part of the forwarded email : "Clearly, Pullman 's main objective is to bash Christianity and promote atheism. Pullman left little doubt about his intentions when he said in a 2003 interview that "my books are about killing God." He has even stated that he wants to "kill God in the minds of children". It has been said of Pullman that he is "the writer the atheists would be praying for, if atheists prayed."
You can read more about the controversy here:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/compass.asp
Here's my response to the email:
I watched the trailer, and it's not really aimed at kids. It's kind of violent. It hasn't been rated yet, but I'd guess it'll get a rating of PG13.
I also did some reading about his views. He is being decried by some religious people for being anti-Christian, but others are saying he is simply anti-tyrrany. Some say his point is that in as much as religions cause us to look beyond this world to another, they take our attention away from the evils of this world that we should be focused upon; I mostly agree with this point.
Part of the claim in one of the books seems to be that all religion is out to rob us of anything fun. Our children are obviously going to be faced with this claim at some point pretty early on in life. We won't be able to protect them from this claim. We do better to live that it is not true. I was certainly confronted with this claim early and often, but it never held sway over me because of the immense fulfillment that I had already found in church and in God and in a family immersed in church and God.
Another part of Pullman's claim is that he is not against religion, per se, but against tyrrany. This can be a helpful distinction for kids to make. If we are not able to critique bad aspects of the church, then children will leave the church because of the assumtion that those bad aspects of the church are the church. From this viewpoint - perhapse we can invite such critiques. It may well be a much more helpful thing to see the movie with the kids, read the books with them, and talk about them, rather than just shielding them from the movie and books.
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